February 17, 2012

Cooking Shows

Cooking shows are my crack. If my TV's on it's a safe bet it's tuned to a cooking show - FoodNetwork, The Cooking Channel, Top Chef something-or-other, Restaurant Impossible... Jeez, just how many cooking shows could there be? I think you'd be surprised - a new show pops up daily. They're everywhere.
With all that watching you'd think I'd be a master chef by now. You'd think I could look in my fridge and find Brussels sprouts, string cheese, oranges and bacon, and make a gourmet meal of it (that's what's actually in my fridge at the moment). That's what they do on Chopped - there's a basket of mystery ingredients and four chefs compete to make the best dish out of them. For example: licorice, goat cheese, goose liver and octopus, and they make the yummiest dessert out of it. Or puffed rice cereal, cotton candy, radishes and turkey sausage, and they make an appetizer that the judges kvell over.
I'm a good cook, and I love cooking and baking, but alas, I usually use a recipe. I once had a fantasy of doing an audition video for The Next Food Network Star, but when Guy Fieri won, with his spiked platinum blond hair, wearing sunglasses on the back of his head, I knew I wasn't their girl. Not to mention the pressure of being cute and charming and being able to talk to the camera and cook at the same time.
I love Giada and Ina and Bobby Flay...but they all have their little annoyances: Giada says, "Here we go" 320 times per show, Ina says, "How good does that look?" or "How easy was that?" or...well you get the idea. Hmmm...maybe I could be a Food Network Star after all. I can be as annoying as the next person.
Anyway, I was watching Paula Deen the other day - Paula of the continuous "Y'all"s and the cackling laugh - and she was making deep-fried chicken pot pies. And if all that grease isn't enough, when she took them out of the fryer she brushed the damn things with melted butter. Oh my god. She would deep-fry watermelon if it occurred to her.
Every time I see something that looks good (not the deep-fried chicken pot pies) I go to the site and copy the recipe to my files. I must have 92,000 recipes. How long will it take me to make them all?
If you're hungry stop by...if I'm not watching a cooking show I'm probably cooking something. My neighbor across the hall will tell you there are always good smells wafting into the halls.

This video is very funny although it might be offensive to some - just fair warning.

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