October 12, 2008

Aging Barbie

I didn't write this and don't know who did but I love the concept of Barbie Dolls that are aging right along with my generation.
1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet-red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.

5. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

6. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

7. Post-Menopausal Barbie This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things and cries a lot. She's sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. This Barbie comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.


PetMono said...

i thought long and hard to think of another aging barbie doll concept but to my disappointment i couldn't. if she ages another 15 years i could think add to this list...

PRand said...

with all those new barbie's take time to think about all the product possibilities: a new wardrobe, the accessories!

Teresa said...

C'mon, some of those aging Barbie profiles are pitiful! There are a lot of 50 & 60 & even 70 year old women (pre or post menopausal) who are really dynamic and amazing.

So, here is my idea of the new elderly version of Barbie: She sports a lovely sage-green velvet running outfit, a slouchy black hat with silver curls cascading down her back, her feet encased in black suede running shoes and alongside she has her lovely vivacious 8-year-old granddaughter who is telling her all about her latest escapades on the Club Penquin Web Site. Both are smiling to beat the band as they walk briskly together by the sea.