What Do You Call a Runner Who Can't Run?

I am a runner. Not a jogger, a runner. I've run eight marathons, including Boston, and set a PR at age 40. I don't do marathons any more, now I just do three miles, four or five times a week. It's the easiest way for me to work out - I don't need a partner or major equipment and I can do it anywhere. I love that. I've been a runner for somewhere around 25 years. And now I haven't been able to run for nearly five months - MCL sprain, I'm told, which means it hurts like hell when I run and hurts a little less than hell when I walk. What do you call a runner who can't run?
A couch potato? A fat-ass? A sloth? It's so annoying. I've been biking instead, outside when I can, or inside on a stationary bike (which is just revolting). I went to a sports medicine doc a few months ago - he's the one who told me it was an MCL sprain - he said I could return to running but to do it slowly; run two minutes, walk four, and so on. So I did. After three days I could barely walk let alone run. Dumb ass.
So I stopped running altogether. It's somewhat better now, easier to walk, but it still hurts. Do you think I'll ever run again?

Separation Anxiety

OH MY GOD, I sold my car. I didn't trade it in, I didn't sell it so I could buy a new one. I sold it. Period. I live in downtown Chicago and rarely used my car but still...it was nice to have it available. Then I got the bright idea that it was a luxury I could do without. After all, how many cabs could I take for what it costs me to maintain my car, have it washed regularly, pay for insurance and park it in downtown Chicago?
But that was before. Now it's done, gone, I have no car, and I'm having separation anxiety.
I've owned a car since I was 18 years old and now, here I am, car-less. Eeeeeeeeeek!
How will this work? What if I want to go to Costco? What if I need to do a big grocery shop and have no car to lug it all back home? What if I want to go to the suburbs? Or drive to Toledo?
My stomach was in knots this morning. I took the license plates off my car. I felt nauseous. I signed over the title and handed over the keys with trembling fingers. Then I pocketed that check. Ok, I admit it, that check seems to have a lot of healing power. My stomach feels better already.
Oh, and my car insurance was due tomorrow so I already saved $368.00.
Hmmm...maybe being car-less isn't so bad after all. Ya think?

Aging Barbie

I didn't write this and don't know who did but I love the concept of Barbie Dolls that are aging right along with my generation.
1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet-red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.

5. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

6. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

7. Post-Menopausal Barbie This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things and cries a lot. She's sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. This Barbie comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

Battle of the Corporate Bands - Cleveland, OH - 10/4/08

My cousin Len Greenberg is a FABULOUS guitarist who played with his band, High Definition, at the Battle of the Corporate Bands finals which were held at the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland last weekend. (Whew! Big run-on sentence.) I went to Cleveland to watch him compete, meeting up with my cousins Gregg and Cynde Hoffman, and Marty (Len's brother) and Kim Greenberg. It was a blast!




Below is a short clip of their performance

Unfortunately they didn't win (altho they were by far the best) but we had a great time. I love being with my family!
It's always been my fantasy to be the lead singer in a rock and roll band and I begged to go on with Len and lead them to victory (I'd had a bit too much to drink by that time) but he gracefully declined my offer.
But we're forming a new band - here we are - and I'm not only lead singer but I'm also the guitarist.
Hmmm, strange...I'm playing left-handed.
Marty, Me, Len, Gregg