Dear Dayton Marriott Management,
Thank you for your recent communication of 4/23/12 (forwarded to me by your corporate legal department and hereinafter known as "the steaming pantload") regarding my recent stay at your hotel while attending the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop.
I would like to take this opportunity to respond to the various allegations therein,
all most some of which are completely without merit and may adversely affect your hotel's score on the guest survey card which I have yet to complete and mail in.
First, it is outrageous and preposterous to assume that my suitcase was responsible for the malfunction and ultimate failure of elevator #3. I believe the security tapes will show that the fault lies not with my sleek, utilitarian baggage but with the housekeeping staff member riding in the elevator with me and struggling under the weight of 3-4 thick, fluffy and obviously highly absorbent bath towels made from an exotic strain of imported cotton known to be both unstable and, well, really heavy.Read the rest of Anna's post.
Disclaimer: There will inevitably be people who will take this seriously (those would be the humor-challenged) so let me just go on record and say that the Dayton Marriott (site of the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop) was lovely. Well, the second room was lovely. In the first room I took off my shoes and socks only to step on wet carpet which was pretty gross. I'm hoping it was simply freshly washed but ever since, I've been monitoring my feet for anything strange growing there. So far so good. I hope I don't have to write my own Dear Dayton Marriott Management letter. (SH)