May 18, 2012

Fifty Shades of Crap

The success of Fifty Shades of Grey  is the very definition of viral marketing. A book that was originally self-published as an eBook and a print-on-demand paperback, it somehow caught the imagination of women everywhere and it's said that a copy now sells every sixty seconds. Amazing. There are three books in the series and they are numbers 1, 2 and 3 on the New York Times best seller list, and have been for months.
I have three words for this phenomenon: WTF?? I mean really...have you read this thing?
I bought a Kindle version ($9.99), just to see what all the hoopla was about, and got through about 1/3 of it (31% according to my Kindle), rolling my eyes and saying, "Oh, please," on every other page. With one exception (from Jessica Reaves of the Chicago Tribune) it seems to be immune to criticism of any kind (because it's made a boatload of money?), and as an author it's probably bad form to say this (you know that won't stop me), but it's crap. I don't mind the concept of it or the genre of eroticism itself, but something that's selling like the latest iPad release should at least be...well, good.
Fifty Shades of Grey is not good. That's not hurting sales in the least. It doesn't seem to matter that the writing stinks, the characters are unappealing and not engaging, the storyline is non-existent and, worst of all, the sex isn't even good, just lots of murmuring and moaning and gasping, and heartbeats quickening and racing. Kinda trite. At least be original.
The protagonist, Anastasia Steele, is a 21 year old virgin, and the narrative (told from her point of view) is sprinkled with lots of italics: holy crap! holy fuck! holy shit! jeez! and so on. And her inner goddess talks to her, and does "merengue with some salsa moves." Need I say more? Now, you can't argue with that kind of success - it's phenomenal - and good for E.L. James. She seems as amazed by this as everyone else. But seriously...what are you people thinking? Whatever it is, could you please redirect it to my book? And when mine becomes a runaway best seller it won't bother me a bit when E.L. James trashes it on her blog. Meanwhile, if you want to experience a little bit of the story this is the best way to do it:


Alan MacMillan said...

i totally, totally, agree. it's badly written and the characters are weak and unbelievable.

how this became a widespread phenomenon is beyond me. the author must have a mate as a publisher because it's pure rubbish.

there are far better books of this genre out there that don't get anywhere near as much recognition

Samantha Hoffman said...

And now it's going to be a movie. This may be one time when the movie's better than the book.

Sladedestiny said...

Sex sells,no matter how bad its written. Any scenario that plants an idea in your head. Your own imagination does the rest. The film was stark bilge and about as erotic as two hamsters mating. The girls voice(Cant remember the actress) grates on the nerves because of its childish whine and indeed I wanted to tape her mouth just to shut her up! I suppose it was designed to emphasise her being a 'virgin'. A Mr Grey with one eye bigger than the other completes the comedy. Question-Why would Billionaire have so much trouble finding a willing 'submissive'? Plenty of good (bad) girls would do it willingly. Whilst anybody as lame as Anastasia (Lame name) would run a mile. Read 'The Story of 'O'. That's how erotica should be written.