Kill Me Now

An old woman got on the bus the other day looking pretty cute. Well, not cute, exactly, but not bad for an old lady, probably 85. I envied her hair because it was still thick and was cut in a casual and chic style. She was fairly attractive and appeared normal. But as she walked toward the back of the bus I saw that she was talking out loud and there was no one with her. At least no one visible. She was saying things like, "Should we get off here?" and "It's crowded, isn't it?" Everyone looked up as she passed, thinking she was talking to them.
She sat near me and quieted down but then I heard a clicking sound coming from her direction and here's what she was doing:
she was using her tongue to push out her lower plate which then stretched out her lower lip making her look really ghoulish, and then she'd clack her teeth together 5 or 6 times and then replace the plate. She did this every seven or eight seconds and I couldn't take my eyes off her. I'm sure the expression on my face was one of complete revulsion. I'm equally sure she was totally unaware of what she was doing.
Kill me if that ever happens to me.
Then another lady got on, around 50-55. It was warm that day but not ever, ever warm enough for what she was wearing. She was short and squat with a big Buddha belly, and she wore long (thank god) shorts with a chain belt and a pink dago tee. Her hair was a platinum blonde Mohawk and the sides were shaved.
Public transportation...you gotta love it.