At my age? Hah! Even if I were young it would be hard to imagine. But if you're scheduled to take a bunch of 2nd graders to the zoo Wendi Aarons has some great tips for you.In case you haven't noticed I'm a Wendi Aarons groupie - I don't know how you get to be so funny. Which is very cool because it's a great way to post something extremely clever on my blog without having to do the work.
Enjoy!
THE TEN EASY STEPS TO CHAPERONING A CLASS FIELD TRIP ™
By Wendi Aarons
Step 1: Fake Your Own Death
Sure you said you’d commandeer the 2nd grade zoo trip, but that doesn’t mean you actually will
commandeer the 2nd grade zoo trip. Especially if you’re dead! Simply
update your Facebook status the morning of the event with one of the
following:
“Going to see how far I can lean over the deck of this cruise ship!” or
“Hope the fellas down here at the heroin den don’t mind me stealing their stash!”
Then close the curtains, turn off the
lights and chill, baby! You can tell everyone you’re still alive after
the kids come home and/or the insurance money pours in. Smart!
Step 2: Arrive in Style
If you’re not savvy enough to talk your
way out of the field trip, don’t worry. You can still salvage the day by
telling the teacher that you’ll meet the class there. Then plant your
sweet ass in a chauffeured stretch limo (paid for with the class’ snack
fund) and swill cheap champagne while you wave at the other parents who
are all stuck on the yellow bus like juvenile offenders on a work
release trip. In no time flat, you’ll arrive refreshed, relaxed and just
drunk enough to actually enjoy watching a pack of 6-year-olds learn the
life cycle of a butterfly! Hic!
(Note: Standing up in the limo’s moon-roof and flipping the bus the bird is fine, but really—why gild the lily?)
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