December 28, 2010

Important News Item

Hugh Hefner tweeted that he got engaged. Actually that's two pieces of news; one, that he tweets (really, he TWEETS???) and two, that he's going to marry a 24-year-old. Come on honey, I know you're young but you can add, can't you? He's 60 years older than you. No, he's not 60 years old, which would be bad enough - he was already 60 years old when you were born. That doesn't strike you as a little creepy?
Hef's quoted as saying that when he gave her the ring she burst into tears. Well of course she did. LOOK AT HIM.
Okay, okay, enough of that. I'm not going to make the inevitable diaper jokes or gold-digger jokes. I refuse to stoop to that level. I'm sure they're truly in love, they're soul-mates, they complete each other.
I'm sure Crystal's a Rhodes scholar. She's probably on the brink of finding a cure for erectile dysfunction. And she'll get back to work on it as soon as she finishes texting her BFFs, puts her clothes back on and stows her bunny ears.

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