Check out this guy on Twitter (click here). He cracks me up. His name is Justin and he's 28 years old. Here's his Twitter bio: I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.
You'll have to sign up on Twitter to read his stuff so if you don't have a Twitter account and don't want one keep reading. It's just ordinary, everyday stuff but it is so funny.
Here are a couple of samples:
"Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and I'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing."
"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."
"My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday...You want to watch what? What the fuck is mad men? I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up."
"It's watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don't even pay rent, just do it. Shit."